Video: Mid-Life Restlessness: Job, Career or Calling – The psychology of career calling
Video Transcript
“So if you’re feeling a little bit restless in mid-career, not sure what to do next, this will explain the psychology behind all of this. Why you’re feeling restless, why you’re maybe yearning for something else. It’ll also describe why you should take that seriously, what to do about it, and the barriers you’re likely to face along the way.
Intrinsic vs Extrinsic Motivation
First thing to think about is the motivation behind this. Let’s just say that you’re drawing a picture. You’re a child, and you’re drawing a picture. If you’re doing this, you’re drawing the picture because you love drawing. You just love the process of drawing. Then that is called intrinsic motivation.
If you’re doing the drawing because you want to get a gold star from your teacher, or you want to get a piece of chocolate cake or something, then it’s called extrinsic. Intrinsic is you’re doing it because of how it makes you feel, and extrinsic is you’re doing it for what it gives to you.
Mapping Motivation to your career
The same can be applied to your career. You have a job, you have a career, and you have a calling. A job is something you do for the money, and not doing it because it’s taking you anywhere. You’re just doing it because it pays the rent. You then have a career, which is where you get a degree of recognition, you get titles, you get progression, you get satisfaction. And then you have a calling. And I’ll come back to that in a second.
What we can do is we can map these two different motivations across these three types of role. Let’s look at extrinsic. This is what it’s delivering for me, and the extrinsic is high in a job, it’s lower for career, and it’s lowest for a calling.
The reason is the job is you’re doing it purely for what it delivers — the money. And if you won the lottery, it’s very likely that you drop that job like a hot potato because you’re only doing it for the money. It’s purely extrinsic motivation.
In a career, yes, it’s giving you salary, but it’s also giving you some fulfilment in terms of what you’re getting as an employee. And the calling intrinsic is lowest.
If we look at intrinsic motivation — how it makes you feel — that’s lowest in a job, it’s mid in a career, and it’s highest in a calling. A career is a mixture of the extrinsic things it gives you — salary, recognition, titles — and the intrinsic things it delivers that makes you feel the fulfilment you get.
What people seek from a career
If you look at the psychology, what people are seeking in a career is mastery over the topic. They want to feel that they’re actually owning and learning about that topic. They want to feel like they’ve got a degree of autonomy. And they want to feel that’s called relatedness. They want to feel like they have some meaningful relationships with the people they work with, and they’re connected to the community they work within.
Motivation doesn’t work purely like this. Just because you’re doing it just for the job doesn’t mean you can’t get fulfillment from it. Or you might get the satisfaction of a job well done. And just because you’re following your calling doesn’t mean you can’t have extrinsic things like rewards and recognition and titles. But these are the main drivers.
Feeling Restless?
The point of sharing this is that if you’re feeling restless in mid-career — if you’re feeling that you’ve done well, you’ve succeeded, you like what you’re doing, but you’re still yearning for something else — what you’re actually looking for is something more intrinsic rather than extrinsic.
More job titles, more promotions, more recognition, more salary, bigger house, better car — all these extrinsic things will not solve your restlessness. You’re looking for something that’s intrinsic.
Adult Development Phases
Everybody goes through development stages as they grow up. What’s lesser known is that these development stages continue through adult life. One of the things you’re likely to hit in mid-career is around your own values. Because you have experienced the world. You’ve been through things good and bad in your life. Through things good and bad in your career. Developed your own values model.
Prior to this, in your 20s and 30s, you’re likely to be more of a conformist. You want to do right by the company. You want to do right by the team. This is where these yearnings, these inklings for something else, come from. It’s because you’re developing your own value system.
And this is where it can sometimes rub up against your existing role. To say, actually, my role doesn’t fit anymore. I need to go and find something else. This is called a midlife crisis for some people, because they feel like they’re abandoning all this steady stuff to go and pursue a calling. But actually, the transition toward a calling is really healthy.
Elements of a career calling
So what does a calling look like? A calling has three elements. One is it needs to be intrinsic. Going back to the picture, you want to be doing it because it makes you feel good. You want to do it, not because of the things it’s going to deliver for you. So it needs to come from within.
The second element is it needs to apply to your strengths. And thirdly is what psychologists call pro-social — it needs to satisfy a goal bigger than yourself. It needs to satisfy a group or a community, or basically mankind on a scale bigger than yourself.
This is not about a pursuit of something for you. It’s about applying what you’ve learned through life so far, doing it for the benefit of the world.
If you’re looking for fulfillment, if you’re looking to address your restlessness, you’re looking to use all of the skills and experience you have today. This is what you’re looking for.
Why a career calling should be taken seriously
Why do you need to take this seriously? What’s happening is your mind is processing all of your past experiences, good and bad, and it’s giving you signals. Your subconscious is giving you signals to say, this is your new direction based on everything you’ve been through.
You really need to listen to this. But it’s your subconscious mind that’s telling you, so it’s through intuition. This is opposed to your conscious mind. Your conscious mind chatters to you. Your conscious mind wants you to stick to the knitting. It wants you to stay safe. It doesn’t want you to change because this is nice and steady and we know what this is.
Your subconscious mind knows everything you’ve been through, and it’s giving you a picture of where to head. You need to listen to it.
The benefits of following a calling
There is neuroscience to support this. People that follow a calling are happier, healthier, more focused and productive. They’re aligned. They are more resilient. Less likely to get burnout or suffer poor mental health, because they’re doing exactly what they’re on the planet to do. They’re aligned to exactly what they’re supposed to be doing.
Seeking Alignment
What do I mean by alignment? You have your existing self, and then you have the direction your mind is telling you to go — your future. When there’s a difference between those two things, reality and how you really feel and your values, that creates friction.
For example, if you’re working for a company and you don’t like the way they treat people, that’s friction between your values and the company’s values. That friction creates mental health issues, poor physical health. It ruins your identity, because you’re not allowed to be yourself.
When you start releasing the trappings of a career and pursuing a calling, you’re moving more into alignment.
Grounding a career change in reality
Now all this sounds very grand, but the practical reality is you need to bear in mind your commitments — mortgage, kids, responsibilities. I’m not suggesting we all abandon our lives and go live on an island with some goats. You need to do this in a practical way.
Organisations should support the pursuit of a career calling
This also applies to organisations. If you’re helping your employees find their true calling, or amend their career to better reflect this, they’re going to be more engaged, perform better, and be more productive. You’re more likely to keep them long-term, and they’ll be better off. It’s fruitful for an employer to help employees explore this, because even if they only stay for a little while, they’ll be more productive and happier while they’re with you.
Barriers to following a calling
Now, something to bear in mind. If you’re exploring this, you might have an inkling — even though I’m successful here, I’ve got an inkling to do something else. There are going to be a number of forces preventing you from exploring this.
It’s easier to jump around when you’re in your early 20s. You don’t have a reputation. You don’t need to worry about your CV. In mid-career, there are more barriers.
Here’s a quick summary of the brick wall you face:
* Fear of failure. Why leave something stable?
* Fear of what others think. Why abandon a good career?
* Money. How will I support myself?
* Social pressure. Friends, family, convention. Keep your head down until retirement.
* Self-doubt. Maybe I should just stick to what I’m doing.
These are addressable, but you will feel them. This is why it isn’t easy to move.
My experience
Why am I telling you this? Because in mid-career I felt restless. It led me back to university to study the psychology of calling. I’ve been through this process. I want to point out that this is a real feeling. It’s not just “I’m a bit restless and I should bury it.” It’s your intuition speaking about what’s next.
You don’t want to stagnate just because people expect you to stay where you are. I’d recommend you grow and explore it. Is it easy? No. Is it without fear? No. But it’s very rewarding.
the DISCO methodology
I’ve come up with my own methodology for getting there, called the DISCO methodology.
One of the first things you need to do before you even embark on this process is recognize that this is a worthy pursuit. I remember a friend saying when I started exploring this: “Yeah, but if everyone followed their calling, who’s going to flip the burgers? Who’s going to drive the trucks?”
That’s a prejudiced view of a calling. A calling isn’t just lofty roles. Everyone can follow their calling. The person flipping the burgers — that might be their calling. Who are we to judge?
Think of the benefits: better mental and physical health, positivity, productivity. If you don’t follow it, you’re out of alignment and stagnating.
So number one: this is a worthy pursuit.
DISCO
- D – The first point is discovery. Identify your strengths, personality, how you solve problems, what environments suit you. When it comes to alignment, it’s easier to determine if a role fits when you have a good understanding of self.
- I – Next step is listening to your intuition. Your subconscious is processing your past and giving you signals. You can’t hear it if your life is too busy. Talk to friends, colleagues, family, but ultimately it comes from within.
- S – The next part is where conventional careers advice kicks in: your skills, your experience, what you’ve done in the past. That doesn’t mean you’re stuck with it. Everything you’ve done is for a reason. Part of a calling is tapping into your unique strengths and experiences and taking them out into the world. It’s not about abandoning your past. It’s about building on it.
- C – Next is courage. Stepping outside your comfort zone. Fear is real. A lot of your identity is tied to your position and role. Stepping away from that means stepping away from your identity. You need to address that fear.
- O – Finally, opportunities. You don’t suddenly get a crystal-clear answer. You get signals. Explore them. Some will be dead ends, some will progress. Explore while keeping practical realities in mind.
The final thing: a calling is not a destination. It’s more like a compass bearing, a direction. It changes as your values and experiences change.
For me, my inkling was to go back to university. At the open day I discovered organizational psychology, which led me here. It wasn’t a five-year roadmap. It was an inkling, and I pursued it.
Listening to your body
If you’ve succeeded in your career but you feel restless, it’s because you need more intrinsic meaning. Listen to your body. Your conscious mind will chatter, but listen to your whole body — your heart, your gut.
I hope you found this useful. If you’re feeling restless in mid-career, this is some of the psychology behind why. Please take it seriously. Please listen to what your mind is telling you.
Free Alignment Assessment
On the North Star Labs website, there is a free alignment assessment so you can see how much alignment your current career gives you — where you’re strong and where you’re weak. Maybe that’s the beginning of your exploration.”