Every big decision in your life is set on this pair of weighing scales, and the scales tipping determine whether you proceed or not. In order to change, to grow, to take the next step, whatever that might be, the scales need to tip. And on these scales, you’ve got the fear of failure on one side, and on the other side you’ve got the fear of regret.
The fear of failure is things like, I feel foolish, I might take a risk, and it might not work out. I might look an idiot, I might feel embarrassed, etc. And on the fear of regret side, you’ve got the thought that, what if I never make the leap? What if I never pursue the dream? What if I never find out what might have been?
And here’s the problem, most of us don’t even know that these scales are in operation behind the scenes and which way we’re leaning, I see it in myself, and I see it in the people that I coach. On the surface, these people are successful. They’ve ticked all the boxes. They might have even surpassed everything they thought they wanted to achieve when they were younger.
And yet, there’s still this restlessness, there’s this nagging question, is this it? I feel like I should be doing more, there’s more out there than this.
This is what I found. It’s not a lack of talent that holds people back. It’s not a lack of opportunity either. It’s something a lot more subtle. It’s something called self-limiting beliefs. Now, these self-limiting beliefs are crafty, devious little things. They don’t announce themselves as classic fear. They disguise themselves as comfort. As we better not rock the boat. We better stick with the knitting. We better stick with what we know. We better stick with comfort.
The problem is that in everyday life, the fear of failure shouts louder. It’s shame, it’s embarrassment, it feels immediate. It feels like today. Regret is easier to postpone. We can worry about that tomorrow, next year. Manana, let’s cross that bridge when we get to it.
That is until life has other plans, redundancy, a health scare, a family loss, big events like that tend to strip away all the fear and amplify the fear of regret, and that’s when people suddenly act.
Waiting for a life shock like that is a dangerous strategy. The real work is in finding ways to tip the scales in your favor before your hand is forced and life change is thrust upon you.
What does that mean? That means dragging your fears out, the shadow shining light on them, questioning them, and writing them down. When you put them on paper, your fears, they really look as scary as they are when they’re swirling around your head. The question to ask is, what’s the worst that could happen? That’s a surprisingly powerful question to quash a lot of these fears. At the same time, you can magnify the opportunity in front of you and the pull of the opportunity of what could be if you actually acted.
It still amazes me, people who’ve built incredible careers, they’re respected in their field, and yet they still harbor these quiet doubts. I find it fascinating and very rewarding to help somebody cut through these doubts and unlock the next chapter of what might be.
If you want to try this yourself, here are a few prompts to get you started.
- “If I was 100% confident in myself, the first thing I would do differently tomorrow is…”
- “If I didn’t care what anyone thought I would…”
- From entrepreneur Glenn Carlson, “If I was starting afresh, in a world where anything was possible, what would I love to be doing?”
Write down your answers, journal, think about them. Whatever you need to do. If any of the answers you find are different to the path that you’re on at the moment, it could be that you’ve got some silent fears, you’ve got these scales behind the scenes holding you back, and that’s an invitation. Don’t wait for this life jolt to happen. Tip the scales yourself.